Another Year Older

As I sit here about to write my annual birthday reflection piece, I just don’t know how to sum up the past year. I feel as if I haven’t had much me time in terms of play, since dealing with the pandemic. I also haven’t been on an airplane in over a year too. I’ve turned into survival mode, living a very shelter and isolated life. I barley see people. It’s a pretty humid day and reminds me of Japan as I sit down to type on my phone since I didn’t bring my computer with me to work. Just having a quiet moment seeing if anything will come through for me to write about. I’ve been tossing in turning for a few nights now, wondering what shall I write this year. My readers know that I typically, put an inspirational twist to things, lately, I’ve been in a funk and haven’t been much into writing these days. Maybe it’s part of the global stress from the pandemic that is causing this or it’s just part of the process once you honor yourself and start listing to your inner wisdom that it’s ok not to write for the day. The same has been true with picking up my cameras and doing more things creatively. For months now I’ve been in a funk. I will admit that I was busy with a redecorating a couple of houses for my family, and made sure that my art work was front and center. VRBO Listing Also, I just did a simple wedding shoot on Goose Rocks Beach. Those are my creative acts lately along with sending a few surprises and cards to love ones around the world.

“Since we have this unique human intelligence, we should use it to solve the challenges we face. We should never give up or tell ourselves there's no hope. If we set ourselves positive goals and we're well-motivated to seek the well-being of others, no matter what difficulties we face, we should keep up our strength and remain determined. In addition to having self-confidence, we must be truthful and honest.”

~Dalai Lama

For the past year, I’ve literally been on the go go. Not the famous New York go go as in a Bowie song, just been nonstop. I mean with the multiple jobs I have to earn a living I’ve been working 5 to 7 days a week. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been grateful for the income, yet at times I feel that taking care of me from a place of self love has been neglected. Survival mode has been my game. Things keep on moving quickly with the information that keeps on being feed to us. I’ve been up in the air on what to believe these days. I’m sick of the shaming and diaper tuck talk to one another as of fear has to be the compass rather than simple acts of kindness with love and compassion. Shaming others will not Make the world a better place. Come on, let the bloody light shine through the dark cracks. We are on the Earth to learn how to better love ourselves and others. The shame game must stop! I didn’t know if I was coming or going some days. I learnt some new skills along the way with having a few students on line at the local primary school that I’ve been working at and had to learn how to use Google Classroom and Google Meet pretty quickly. Then there were days where I had to learn new software programs for the days I would fill in for the office. The school year has been something else. It took me a while to learn the kids names too. Working with the littles as in the Kindergarten and First grade level brought back trauma for me as in the way I learn, especially with my own struggles and dyslexia. Old traumas made an appearance in the school setting for me to take a good look and to heal at a greater level. I’ve felt bad that the kids haven’t had the best of school this year, yet they keep on surprising me on how well they have done. Im grateful to work with a few kids consistently and am very proud of their progress that they have made. Some remind me of me at that age with the lack of confidence and being unsure of themselves that I could relate to the struggles they had with learning. My photography business took a hit and I honestly didn’t have too many photo shoots. Working in a restaurant has been something else too, I always have a story on how crazy it gets. Things are a little crazy right now, I wouldn’t mind a day to sleep in, yet that seems impossible.

I only squeezed in a few day trips to MidCoast Maine to go explore. It’s not like me, yet that was all I could do. I didn’t know what to expect with the information that came from the CDC, The State of Maine with the governors executives orders, my family fears or the superintendent of the schools I’ve been working in. I felt a good part of my year has been living with the collective fear, and being an empath, I would pick up on way too much. As I talk with others, I realize that I wasn’t alone with how I felt at times. Yet, some days, I felt totally isolated and alone. 

Funny, how the power of photography has on someone. Recently, an old friend of mine who I haven’t talk to since we were teenagers reached out to me out of the blue. Apparently,  my photo appeared on her Instagram feed and she reached out to me asking if I still remember her and I was like OMG, yes I do. By the end of the day we were chatting away like no time has passed. I told her that when I drive by her house I still remember her and think of those summer memories we shared. You never quite know how people come into your life. At a time when I have been doing a lot of trauma work, this was rather special and helped to heal parts of me that needed healing.

Speaking of healing from trauma, there’s an excellent documentary that Oprah and Prince Harry did that is on Apple TV. It very moving and helpful to those who are going through their own stuff to heal or if you helping someone heal. I was grateful to watch it and felt a sense of relief that I had some of the symptoms like many other people, and I’m not crazy. Of course I had tears going for myself and others who share the pain. It’s worth the watch and yes, trauma is a real thing and needs to be spoke to without fear around it. 

Of course my actual birthday falls on World Ocean Day. It’s a record breaking hot day here, so a dip in the ocean with be refreshing might you say. Also, Bandaloop for dinner is always a treat. I guess, I’ll just still be me and continue to shine my light onto others. Our world is changing rapidly these days, fogginess is the key and must turn on the love light and keep it on! 

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