About to Take That Leap...
“We’re
fascinated by the words-but where we meet is in the silence behind them.”
~Ram Dass
I’ve always
walked a much different path than most. If you look back at my childhood you
would have found a very creative, highly sensitive being who loved pondering maps
of the world, photographs, animals and nature. I’m not going to lie that things
have been easy for me cos they sure haven’t since I was diagnosed with a speech
impediment at an early age and had to deal with my entire childhood learning
how to deal with it, fit into an education system that didn’t seem to fit me,
and finding my way in the world the best that I could despite the up’s and
down’s within my own family and society. Friends came and went, the only one
that was faithfully by my side was my dog from which I learned the real meaning
of love. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been blessed with many amazing experiencing
form earning a Magna Cum Laude Bachelor of Arts Degree from University, setting
foot on all seven continent, kissed a gray whale in Baja, had a closed
encounter with an elephant one day out in the bush, seeing Bob Dylan in the
front row, managing to score a ticket to a sold out David Bowie show while I
was in Sydney, to meeting my family from the other side of the pond which lead
to visiting my ancestral village in Western Ireland to name a few of the things
that I have accomplished. I’m not going to lie, that I used to be one of the
most negative people you could meet cos I harvested so much self hatred for all
of my obstacles and seeing the beautiful world through a much wider lens that
most can not do. I kind of lost who I was truly meant to be, the real evolution
of becoming who I was meant to be from a child from grace.
“Can't run
away from yourself -
Can't run
away from yourself -
Can't run
away from yourself -
Can't run
away from yourself -
Can't run
away from yourself.”
~Bob Marley
My way of
dealing with all of this inner stuff is not by going to a psychiatrist who will
prescribe me with a prescription that only will temporarily take care of the
issues. I’m much more stronger than that, and know that the real way to get to
this is by going after the root of the issue. It’s time to scrap away those “old
Victorian principles” on how you ought to live your life. Yes, we must get to
the root of the issue and start to cut the cords of false beliefs that we have
told ourselves since childhood to move ahead. It’s not an easy task to take,
but if you are brave enough to face your fears, real bliss lies ahead. I do
have mediumship traits where I can connect with “source or God energy”.
Sometimes the most amazing people who you will meet in life will have gone
through tremendous struggle to get where they need to be. Let’s just say that
the things that I went through can give me the perspective to really help
people now and it’s amazing.
My path has
taken me on quite the adventure to move deeper into myself these days. What I
set out to do wasn’t an accident by any means. It was just something that had
been calling me there for a prolonged period of time. Oh yes, I was first
intrigued by taking the jump that I am taking by hearing about this intense
mediation practice from a few friends of mine who made the journey themselves.
I guess my inner compass has been screaming yes to do this for a long time.
Signs keep on reemerging lately that it was now or never to take the leap of
faith. It’s a number 9 year and that brings about great changes. Why keeping on repeating endless cycles
and choosing others happiness over my own by giving away my power that lead to
my own pain and misery is what I’ve been asking at a deeper level. Why not, I
have nothing to lose? Is what I keep on telling myself No one has made me do
this, I’m doing this for myself and that is what truly matters. When you can
see the signs of doing what you are meant to do, you just suddenly do it and
work through the layers that are unfolding, like a lotus flower in bloom.
“I just gotta
get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm
gonna be free, Lord!”
~Queen
I’ve been
drawn to the Buddhist way of freeing yourself since childhood. Hearing stories
of Krishna Das, Ram Dass, Jack Kerouac and The Beatles to name a few have
always sparked my interest. I love listing to the Dharma talks of the hardships
that people have overcame to learn the art of loving themselves with the real
beauty that lies within nature. My
soul has been craving this for years. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve done a lot of
work on myself ever since I have return from Japan. I’m blessed with the
friendships that I have made and all of the inspirations that my friends will
tell me. I love learning the art of positive affirmations to sitting in
mediation. I’m not going to lie, but I’m scared sh***tless to face my fears of
actually really getting to know myself with a ten day Vipassana Mediation
Course. I will admit that getting into one of these centers is not an easy
task, but if you are really meant to go, the universe will just align itself up
for you to go. I have to surrender
my phone, my stones and mala beads will be left in the car and I basically will
not have any jewelry on. I did thought about pulling a Sinnead O’Connor look
and shave my head, but I ended up cutting my hair very short and pixied for the
occasion. Out with the old and in with the new. I got rid of my possessions, by
either bringing them to consignment shops, donating them to Goodwill or giving
a few items to friends who I knew would benefit from them. A lot of stuff went
into the recycling bin as well, I seriously asked myself why I was holding onto
it, if it just didn’t give me joy anymore. Out with the old and in with the
new. I’ve learned from my continuous learning that prolong periods of silence
can be beneficial. I’m basically going to rewire my mind with new techniques
that I can apply when harsh emotions come up. I have cleared out so much, but
now is the time to really take a good hard look of all of the emotions that are
holding me back. I’m at the point of having negative thoughts plagued my mind
when I do know that the thought is false. But it’s really about me connecting
to my higher self to find the real beauty of what it means to actually love
myself. Albert Einstein hit the nail on the spot when he said, “No problem can
be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Basically
going into silence to find out whom I am without the labels attached to them.
Going deep within is a beautiful thing….
