About to Take That Leap...

“We’re fascinated by the words-but where we meet is in the silence behind them.”
~Ram Dass
I’ve always walked a much different path than most. If you look back at my childhood you would have found a very creative, highly sensitive being who loved pondering maps of the world, photographs, animals and nature. I’m not going to lie that things have been easy for me cos they sure haven’t since I was diagnosed with a speech impediment at an early age and had to deal with my entire childhood learning how to deal with it, fit into an education system that didn’t seem to fit me, and finding my way in the world the best that I could despite the up’s and down’s within my own family and society. Friends came and went, the only one that was faithfully by my side was my dog from which I learned the real meaning of love. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been blessed with many amazing experiencing form earning a Magna Cum Laude Bachelor of Arts Degree from University, setting foot on all seven continent, kissed a gray whale in Baja, had a closed encounter with an elephant one day out in the bush, seeing Bob Dylan in the front row, managing to score a ticket to a sold out David Bowie show while I was in Sydney, to meeting my family from the other side of the pond which lead to visiting my ancestral village in Western Ireland to name a few of the things that I have accomplished. I’m not going to lie, that I used to be one of the most negative people you could meet cos I harvested so much self hatred for all of my obstacles and seeing the beautiful world through a much wider lens that most can not do. I kind of lost who I was truly meant to be, the real evolution of becoming who I was meant to be from a child from grace.
“Can't run away from yourself -
Can't run away from yourself -
Can't run away from yourself -
Can't run away from yourself -
Can't run away from yourself.”
~Bob Marley
My way of dealing with all of this inner stuff is not by going to a psychiatrist who will prescribe me with a prescription that only will temporarily take care of the issues. I’m much more stronger than that, and know that the real way to get to this is by going after the root of the issue. It’s time to scrap away those “old Victorian principles” on how you ought to live your life. Yes, we must get to the root of the issue and start to cut the cords of false beliefs that we have told ourselves since childhood to move ahead. It’s not an easy task to take, but if you are brave enough to face your fears, real bliss lies ahead. I do have mediumship traits where I can connect with “source or God energy”. Sometimes the most amazing people who you will meet in life will have gone through tremendous struggle to get where they need to be. Let’s just say that the things that I went through can give me the perspective to really help people now and it’s amazing.
My path has taken me on quite the adventure to move deeper into myself these days. What I set out to do wasn’t an accident by any means. It was just something that had been calling me there for a prolonged period of time. Oh yes, I was first intrigued by taking the jump that I am taking by hearing about this intense mediation practice from a few friends of mine who made the journey themselves. I guess my inner compass has been screaming yes to do this for a long time. Signs keep on reemerging lately that it was now or never to take the leap of faith. It’s a number 9 year and that brings about great changes.  Why keeping on repeating endless cycles and choosing others happiness over my own by giving away my power that lead to my own pain and misery is what I’ve been asking at a deeper level. Why not, I have nothing to lose? Is what I keep on telling myself No one has made me do this, I’m doing this for myself and that is what truly matters. When you can see the signs of doing what you are meant to do, you just suddenly do it and work through the layers that are unfolding, like a lotus flower in bloom.
“I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!”
I’ve been drawn to the Buddhist way of freeing yourself since childhood. Hearing stories of Krishna Das, Ram Dass, Jack Kerouac and The Beatles to name a few have always sparked my interest. I love listing to the Dharma talks of the hardships that people have overcame to learn the art of loving themselves with the real beauty that lies within nature.  My soul has been craving this for years. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve done a lot of work on myself ever since I have return from Japan. I’m blessed with the friendships that I have made and all of the inspirations that my friends will tell me. I love learning the art of positive affirmations to sitting in mediation. I’m not going to lie, but I’m scared sh***tless to face my fears of actually really getting to know myself with a ten day Vipassana Mediation Course. I will admit that getting into one of these centers is not an easy task, but if you are really meant to go, the universe will just align itself up for you to go.  I have to surrender my phone, my stones and mala beads will be left in the car and I basically will not have any jewelry on. I did thought about pulling a Sinnead O’Connor look and shave my head, but I ended up cutting my hair very short and pixied for the occasion. Out with the old and in with the new. I got rid of my possessions, by either bringing them to consignment shops, donating them to Goodwill or giving a few items to friends who I knew would benefit from them. A lot of stuff went into the recycling bin as well, I seriously asked myself why I was holding onto it, if it just didn’t give me joy anymore. Out with the old and in with the new. I’ve learned from my continuous learning that prolong periods of silence can be beneficial. I’m basically going to rewire my mind with new techniques that I can apply when harsh emotions come up. I have cleared out so much, but now is the time to really take a good hard look of all of the emotions that are holding me back. I’m at the point of having negative thoughts plagued my mind when I do know that the thought is false. But it’s really about me connecting to my higher self to find the real beauty of what it means to actually love myself. Albert Einstein hit the nail on the spot when he said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” Basically going into silence to find out whom I am without the labels attached to them. Going deep within is a beautiful thing….

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