Letting Go of Family Weight

"When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom 
Let it be"
~The Beatles

Sometimes on our path, we must dive in and make peace with our wounded inner child. It takes a courage action for us to start standing in our power in front of our families. It's hard, let me tell you, I have been mock and criticized myself too. It's not an easy task. I can remember listing to all the things that I got told as a kid and believing them. Well, let me tell you that you must start using your own discernment on the things that you got told and to see if they are true or not to you anymore. False beliefs can keep us buried in old thought patters that simply need to be let go of. There's no sense in carrying around the weight of a heavy heart. Forgiveness is an on going process with ourselves and others. Sometimes those heavy emotions are arising for a little bit of tender loving care to be released. There's no sense in burying them with a bottle of wine and chocolate. As a sensitive, the practice of yoga and mediation helps a lot with the releasing. 

"If you can be absolutely comfortable with not knowing who you are, then what's left is who you are-the Being behind the human, a field of pure potentiality rather than something that is already defined. Give up defining yourself-to yourself and others. You won't die. You will come to life." ~Eckhart Tolle 

"Family Buttons

I was thirty-give years old the first time I spoke up to my mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation. I was terribly frightened and almost couldn't believe I was doing this. I found I didn't have to be mean. I didn't have to start an argument. But I could say what I wanted and needed to say to take care of myself. I learned I could love and honor myself and still care about my mother-the way I wanted to-not the way she wanted me to. ~Anonymous

Who knows better how to push our buttons than family members? Who, besides family members, do we give such power?

No matter how long we or our family members have been recovering, relationships with family members can be provocative.

One telephone conversation can put us in an emotional and psychological tailspin that last for hours or days.

Sometimes, it gets worse when we begin recovery because we become even more aware of our reactions and our discomfort. That's uncomfortable, but good. It is by beginning this process of awareness and acceptance that we change, grow and heal.

The process of detaching in love from family members can take years. So can the process of learning how to react in a more effective way. We cannot control what they do or try to do, but we can gain some sense of control over how we choose to react.

Stop trying to make them act or treat us any differently. Unhook from their system by refusing to try to change or influence them.

Their patterns, particularly their patters with us, are their issues. Howe we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue.

We can love our family and still refuse to buy into their issues. We can love our family but refuse their efforts to manipulate, control, or produce guilt in us.

We can take care of ourselves with family members without feeling guilty. We can learn to be assertive with family members without being aggressive. We can set the boundaries we need and want to set with family members without being disloyal to the family.

We can learn to love our family without forfeiting love and respect for ourselves.

Today, help me start practicing self-care with family members. Help me know that I do not have to allow their issues to control my life, my day, or my feelings. Help me know it's ok to have all my feelings about family members, without guilt or shame."
~Melody Beattie

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